


Those Three Words

by shiptoomuch



Series: 30 McKirk AUs [6]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bones is really messed up in this one, Emotional Manipulation, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-20
Updated: 2013-11-20
Packaged: 2018-01-02 03:28:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1051989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shiptoomuch/pseuds/shiptoomuch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim has been in love with Leonard for three years. Three words come and they aren't the right three.<br/>They never are.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Those Three Words

**Author's Note:**

> angst because I have been spoiling you people with fluff. I'm normally NOT a fluff writer I have no idea what has been getting into me lately...

The three words that come are never right.

[I want you]

Jim really doesn’t know what else to say to it except “yes” when Leonard asks him. He’s been pining over the man for nigh on two years. So when Leonard invites Jim back to his place for something they both know won’t be serious, Jim jumps at the opportunity because he feels that it will be a one time deal.

Take it now or never get the chance.

So Jim goes with him and he realizes exactly how broken Leonard is. He doubts anyone else has ever seen it. Doubts Leonard even meant for him to see it. It’s there plain as day and Jim can’t bring himself to back away when he sees it. Leonard is cold and distant but he touches Jim like maybe he could care if he tried hard enough. Maybe he could learn to love him.

They sleep together and Jim floats above the Earth because this is Bones. This is the Doctor who saved him from that motorcycle accident and who comes into the coffee shop every day with sarcastic words and stupid frowning.

This is the Leonard McCoy who will learn to love Jim, the Leonard McCoy who Jim will fix.

Jim hopes, anyway.

[I don’t care.]

Jim only wanted some dinner, a real date. He only wanted what he’d been working towards for four months. He just wanted Leonard to be seen with him, to hold his hand, to kiss him. Four months of sleeping together almost every night and not a single kiss. 

He tells Leonard this and receives an odd look and words that are nearly scolding in the way they are delivered. Jim recoils and shakes his head, apologizing over and over again.

Leonard sighs and gestures for Jim to come to him. A half smile dances lightly on his face and gives Jim false hope. He steps forward to the older man and refrains from cringing at the feel of uncaring hands on his hips, under his shirt, pulling the fabric up and over his head. The feeling of discomfort is soon forgotten with lips on collarbones, navels, everywhere but where Jim needs it.

It’s hot and messy and over too fast. Jim knows the rules: 1. Don’t ask for anything more. 2. Don’t stay afterwards.

He’s already broken one of the rules, so he decides to break the second. 

Jim lays on his back with his eyes glued to the ceiling. Leonard is curled away from Jim and he doesn’t talk or object to him staying so Jim assumes he’s asleep.

He imagines he can feel the heat from Leonard’s body.

[I met someone.]

Leonard shows up at the coffee shop with a girl. Her hair is blond and she has blue eyes and Jim hates her because they’re so similar but she has everything he’s ever wanted. She smiles at Leonard and he gives her the dead-eye smile that she probably doesn’t even recognize because no one but Jim ever has.

Leonard meets his eye and when Jim raises an eyebrow he simply nods. Jim knows what this means and it makes him sick. Carol covers the rest of his shift that day.

“Her name is Katya.” Leonard pants out while he’s thrusting into Jim with everything he’s got.

“Alright.” Jim nods, not really able to focus on the conversation.

They come and Jim gets up immediately and starts putting back on his clothes because before it had felt like maybe they had a shot together but now?

Now he just feels dirty. Leonard belongs to someone. A nice girl with pretty eyes and a dainty laugh and eyes that squint when she smiles. 

“Jim. This was never serious. We don’t have to stop.”

Jim wants to yell and scream at him. He wants to ask him why he chose Jim of all people when he probably could have had someone who didn’t ever care. He knew Jim cared, there is no way he didn’t. He wants to tell him that no, it’s over because he cannot be with two people at once. 

He doesn’t say any of this, though. He simply shrugs and smiles halfheartedly. “Yeah, okay. Call me. Or don’t. Whatever.”

[I love her]

Jim holds his breath and waits for him to take it back.

He holds his breath some more.

He waits and waits and waits for Leonard to come back through that door but he doesn’t. Jim is lightheaded and gasping for air when the tears finally come. Angry tears. He’s not angry with Leonard, though. He hates himself because he should have seen this coming. He should have known that eventually Leonard would not want him anymore. 

Jim has always been something to throw away and never look at again. He should not have expected the broken man to love his temporary bandaid.

Still, he watches the door as his head spins and he is nearly doubled over with sobs. His body shakes and hiccups wrack him. He sinks to the floor and stares. 

He doesn’t realize how long he’s been there until Carol walks in for her shift and sees him sitting there with tear streaked cheeks. He’s still on the ground.

“Oh darling, he left, didn’t he?” She says it like she always knew it would happen because she did. They all did and they all told him to stop and get out but Jim couldn’t because he was in love with the broken man.

Jim nods at her and tries to stand but finds he doesn’t have the strength or willpower to do so.

[I left her]

Two years since Leonard walked out on Jim forever. Two years in which Jim has put together a life for himself and tries not to think about the man with the steady hands and empty eyes.

He almost doesn’t recognize him for a moment. He doesn’t recognize the clean shaven man with crisply pleated slacks and a smile that actually reaches his eyes.

He doesn’t recognize Leonard, but Leonard recognizes him and rushes over. “Jim.” Comes out as an awe-filled breath. 

He struggles not to grin at him, not to throw himself at Leonard the way he did five years ago. He smiles halfway. “Leonard. Nice to see you again. How’s Katya?” He automatically checks for a wedding ring.

“It didn’t work.”

They end up talking for hours because Leonard begs Jim to “Just listen to me, okay?”

He says wonderful things that feel like knives in Jim’s chest. 

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

“You’re everywhere.”

“I never meant for this to happen.”

“Please, give me a chance.”

Jim is on the brink of tears by the end of it and he thinks Leonard knows this because he goes silent and doesn’t protest when Jim stands up finally.

The three words Jim hears as he crosses the threshold are ones he would have killed for two years ago.

[I love you]

**Author's Note:**

> feedback appreciated!  
> tumblr:fabtrek


End file.
